The Smokey Eye

I think therefore I am

The Vent

Nothing crazy, if I am overwhelmed with some type of emotion that doesnt fit my usual journaling, im just going to throw it up here

On Friends

2-15-2026 The world just keeps getting lonlier and lonelier. I recently went through my following on instagram and found that one of my old friends from high school and one from dental school had unfollowed me this week. And I know it was this week because they followed back the month prior and my count didnt drop until yesterday and today. To be honest. The feeling sucks. I have no real idea why they would do that, neither can I be entirely upset if they dont want to be a part of my journey or life. I dont know if its jealousy, disgust, or what. They have always been supporters of me in the past and liked my content from time to time. I remember my dental school friend liking my posts from December. But now she wants to drop me? Like what?? I dont want to assume jealousy because what does a cis woman have to be jealous of me for? I have to work 1000x times harder at the gym, my nutrition and my personality to be who I am today, and both of these girls have everything from family support systems, naturally beautiful bodies, MEN that are either married to them or just with them, and more. This is why I think its just disgust, but the thing is even as pretransition, I have always been an internet slut. Just cuz I'm a girl, my sexual nature is somehow too much all the sudden?? Like I dont want you to be attracted, but supportive at least, not through likes, but in person and in spirit at least cuz weve been FRIENDS. Like girls support girls unless theyre trans girls i guess. It just sucks and makes me upset cuz we've known each other for so long, and now they just wanna cut ties off all together. I feel like if I did try to follow any of my other friends as I try to get my account updated with past friends, theyd just do the same. Its all so stupid, cuz why when I feel good, I look good, and feel pretty, do all my girlfriends switch up on me?? Even Angel still gets weird when I bring up 1st year 1st semester and my top 1 placement. Like a look on her face that I cant tell is jealousy, anger, or what. And she awkwardly laughs it off while looking at Misye like she doesnt believe me or something. I hate when people only want to be friends if they can look down on me. Ironically enough, now I have more guy friends, than girl friends?? Nando namely, like V has kinda just let herself fade into the background, but he still has been more of a friend these past few months than V has in the entire time I have been gone from 29 Palms. Ivan and Abe while they have more intentions, have been the type to comfort me when I am upset too. Even Andre at school messaged me when I posted on my notes about being ghosted. Like why?? I dont get it. You guys all have no intentions of pursuring anything serious, but still try to be nice and it sucks cuz I need to weed through you bitches while I try to find a man! Its not like I dont appreciate their kindness, but I wish it felt real and not fake, i dont feel like I should be friends with any guys. Ive never had guy friends in the past after 17 and I dont know how to feel about any of this. All i know is, I am losing girl friends, and im gaining guy friends and I cant tell in any way shape or form what these people's intentions are. Back to Top